Monday, July 25, 2016
Friday, September 5, 2008
Too much power
A woman goes to the doctor and complians that her and her husband never have sex anymore. the doctor then gives her a large jar of pills and instructs her to give him a few in his drink at night.
So the woman goes home and that night she puts one in his coffee. they start to make out real hot and heavy.
she decides that it aint enough so tha next night she put two in and they really get it on but she still isnt satisfied.
On the third night, she dumps the entire jar in his 32 ounce beer. well...
A week later, the doctor calls and the woman's son picks up the phone
"So how is your mom doing?"the doctor asks.
"Well, mom's dead, sis is pregnant, my asshole hurts, and dad is out naked on the lawn screaming 'HERE KITTY KITTY KITTY!'
So the woman goes home and that night she puts one in his coffee. they start to make out real hot and heavy.
she decides that it aint enough so tha next night she put two in and they really get it on but she still isnt satisfied.
On the third night, she dumps the entire jar in his 32 ounce beer. well...
A week later, the doctor calls and the woman's son picks up the phone
"So how is your mom doing?"the doctor asks.
"Well, mom's dead, sis is pregnant, my asshole hurts, and dad is out naked on the lawn screaming 'HERE KITTY KITTY KITTY!'
A nun going to Chicago
This nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight. When she looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune. So she thought to herself I'll give it a try just to see what it tells me.
So she went over to the machine and she put her nickel in and card came out and it said, Your a nun you weigh 128lbs and your going to Chicago Illinois. So she sat back down and thought about it, she thought to herself it probably tells everyone the same thing, I'm going try it again.
So she went over to the machine again and put her nickel in it, a card came out and said, your nun, you weigh 128lbs., your going to Chicago Ill. and your going to play a fiddle. She said to herself I know that's wrong I have never played a musical instrument a day in my life. She sat back down and this Cowboy came over and set his fiddle case down she picked up the fiddle and just started playing beautiful music. She looked back at the machine and said this is incredible I've got to try it again.
So she went back to the machine put her nickel in another card came out and it said, your a nun, you weigh 128lbs., your going to Chicago Ill. and your going to break wind. She thinks I know it's wrong now I've never broke wind in public a day in my life, well she tripped and fell off the scales and FARTED like a bay mule. So she sat back down and looked at the machine once again. She said to herself this is truly unbelievable, I've got to try it again.
She went back to the machine, put her nickel in and a card came out and said, your a nun, you weigh 128lbs., your going to Chicago Ill. and your going to have sex. She said ah-hah that does it I know for sure its wrong now, I'm a nun, ain't ever had none, and ain't ever gonna get none. Well a huge electrical storm came through and the electricity went off and she got raped... She sat back down and thought about it for few minutes and then said this is truly, truly, incredible. But one thing is for certain, I've got to try it again just to see what is gonna happen to me before I leave this airport.
She went over to the machine put her nickel in and a card came out and it said. Your a nun, you weigh 128lbs., you have fiddled, farted, fucked around and missed your flight to Chicago!!!!!!!!
So she went over to the machine and she put her nickel in and card came out and it said, Your a nun you weigh 128lbs and your going to Chicago Illinois. So she sat back down and thought about it, she thought to herself it probably tells everyone the same thing, I'm going try it again.
So she went over to the machine again and put her nickel in it, a card came out and said, your nun, you weigh 128lbs., your going to Chicago Ill. and your going to play a fiddle. She said to herself I know that's wrong I have never played a musical instrument a day in my life. She sat back down and this Cowboy came over and set his fiddle case down she picked up the fiddle and just started playing beautiful music. She looked back at the machine and said this is incredible I've got to try it again.
So she went back to the machine put her nickel in another card came out and it said, your a nun, you weigh 128lbs., your going to Chicago Ill. and your going to break wind. She thinks I know it's wrong now I've never broke wind in public a day in my life, well she tripped and fell off the scales and FARTED like a bay mule. So she sat back down and looked at the machine once again. She said to herself this is truly unbelievable, I've got to try it again.
She went back to the machine, put her nickel in and a card came out and said, your a nun, you weigh 128lbs., your going to Chicago Ill. and your going to have sex. She said ah-hah that does it I know for sure its wrong now, I'm a nun, ain't ever had none, and ain't ever gonna get none. Well a huge electrical storm came through and the electricity went off and she got raped... She sat back down and thought about it for few minutes and then said this is truly, truly, incredible. But one thing is for certain, I've got to try it again just to see what is gonna happen to me before I leave this airport.
She went over to the machine put her nickel in and a card came out and it said. Your a nun, you weigh 128lbs., you have fiddled, farted, fucked around and missed your flight to Chicago!!!!!!!!
The carpenter -18x
A carpenter gets called to do some work at the local house of ill repute. The madam of the house explains that she wants him to build a partition to divide one of the larger rooms into two smaller rooms.The carpenter spends all day building the partition and when he's done he gives the madam a bill for $300.
The madam smiles and says, "We usually pay all our bills around her in trade."
"Sorry ma'am" replies the carpenter, "it's $300 cash or this partition comes out"
"But you can have some fun with any girl here," explains the madam. "That's worth more than $300""Sorry ma'am," replies the carpenter, 'it's $300 cash or this partition comes out"
"But my girls can fulfill your every desire. Choose any girl you like."The carpenter thinks a while and then says,"You said any girl I want. Does that include you?"
The madam smiles seductively, "Why yes of course" and she starts to disrobe.Once she is naked on the bed the carpenter slowly and gently inserts his thumb deep into her 'front opening'
She sighs and moans with pleasure.Then the carpenter carefully inserts his middle finger deep into her 'rear opening'
The madam is writhing in ecstasy
Then the carpenter suddenly clamps his thumb and finger together and says,"Like I was saying, it's $300 cash or this partition comes out"
The madam smiles and says, "We usually pay all our bills around her in trade."
"Sorry ma'am" replies the carpenter, "it's $300 cash or this partition comes out"
"But you can have some fun with any girl here," explains the madam. "That's worth more than $300""Sorry ma'am," replies the carpenter, 'it's $300 cash or this partition comes out"
"But my girls can fulfill your every desire. Choose any girl you like."The carpenter thinks a while and then says,"You said any girl I want. Does that include you?"
The madam smiles seductively, "Why yes of course" and she starts to disrobe.Once she is naked on the bed the carpenter slowly and gently inserts his thumb deep into her 'front opening'
She sighs and moans with pleasure.Then the carpenter carefully inserts his middle finger deep into her 'rear opening'
The madam is writhing in ecstasy
Then the carpenter suddenly clamps his thumb and finger together and says,"Like I was saying, it's $300 cash or this partition comes out"
2 Girls party out late
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out.
Both were very faithful and loving wives, but they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bedhung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights out have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect theworst.... My wife came home with no panties!!"
"That's nothing," said the other husband,"Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said.....
"From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you!"
Both were very faithful and loving wives, but they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bedhung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights out have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect theworst.... My wife came home with no panties!!"
"That's nothing," said the other husband,"Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said.....
"From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you!"
just married Chinese couple
There is this just married Chinese couple that decided to make love on their wedding night in the hotel where they held their wedding. The wife did not want to get pregnant and requested the husband to buy a condom from the shop nearby. When the husband went out, the wife waited anxiously in the room with all the lights switched off.
The husband had a hard time looking for a shop that sold condoms and when he finally found one, he realized that he had only 20 cents. He asks the shop owner to sell him only one of the condoms and the shop owner asked him which quality he wanted.
"The white condom, lowest quality, is 15 cents each. The black condom, average quality, is 20 cents each. And the purple condom, highest quality, is 25 cents each."
So the husband took the black condom as he had only 20 cents with him. While the husband was out, a black thief came into the room. The wife did not notice and thought that it was her husband. She grabbed the thief and happily started screwing away. The wife was so exhausted that she fell asleep immediately.
When the husband reached the hotel, he found his wife sleeping. Without a warning, he jumped onto his wife, mounted her and started screwing her vigorously. The wife was surprised that the husband was so energetic but she thoroughly enjoyed the session.
Nine months later, the wife gave birth to a black baby boy. When the baby grew up, he asked the father. "Papa, why am I black and you are white?"
The father shouted, "You are damn lucky! 5 cents more and you would have been purple ! "
The husband had a hard time looking for a shop that sold condoms and when he finally found one, he realized that he had only 20 cents. He asks the shop owner to sell him only one of the condoms and the shop owner asked him which quality he wanted.
"The white condom, lowest quality, is 15 cents each. The black condom, average quality, is 20 cents each. And the purple condom, highest quality, is 25 cents each."
So the husband took the black condom as he had only 20 cents with him. While the husband was out, a black thief came into the room. The wife did not notice and thought that it was her husband. She grabbed the thief and happily started screwing away. The wife was so exhausted that she fell asleep immediately.
When the husband reached the hotel, he found his wife sleeping. Without a warning, he jumped onto his wife, mounted her and started screwing her vigorously. The wife was surprised that the husband was so energetic but she thoroughly enjoyed the session.
Nine months later, the wife gave birth to a black baby boy. When the baby grew up, he asked the father. "Papa, why am I black and you are white?"
The father shouted, "You are damn lucky! 5 cents more and you would have been purple ! "
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