Ah Beng Random jokes

1. Ah Beng, Mohammad and Muthu were at seawhenthey were hijacked by a group of pirates.

The pirates cornered the 3 men and said "Give usall your valuables!" The chief pirate then raiseda syringe and added, "Or else we'll inject youwith the AIDS virus!"

Mohammad quickly stripped off all his valuables and handed them to the pirates. Satisfied, they threw him into the sea.

Muthu was equally quick to comply with the pirates' wishes. Similarly, he removed his valuables and surrendered them to the pirates.Like Mohammad, he was thrown into the sea.

Finally it came to Ah Beng's turn. He stared at the pirates and sneered. "You all kee see lah! (go and die!) Inject, inject lah, you'll never get my lolex and my JPG warret!" The pirates, showing no mercy, injected Ah Bengwith the HIV virus, and robbed him of his precious watch and wallet. They then threw him into the sea with the rest.

In the water, both Mohammad and Muthu commended Ah Beng for his bravery. However, they were pretty perplexed by why he was unafraid of the virus.Grinning, Ah Beng answered, "AIDS I not scared,what... I got condom!!!"
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2. Ah Beng went hiking and saw a cave and wentin.Inside the cave he picked up a lamp.He laughed and said, "Ho say leow, kio tiok kim!"and began rubbing the lamp.And 'poot!' Out came a genie from the lamp.

The genie then granted Ah Beng 3 wishes.

Without thinking carefully, Ah Beng said ' si milan cheow also want.' So the genie stuck all sorts of penises all over Ah Beng's body.

Shocked and disgusted, Ah Beng then said, "This time si mi lan cheow also do'wan."So the genie quickly granted Ah Beng's 2nd wish.And with a 'poot!' all the penises disappeared from Ah Beng's body, including his own.

Even more shocked this time, Ah Beng said, "Iwantmy own last time lan cheow back."And with a final 'poot!', Ah Beng got exactly whathe wished for: the penis he had when he was a baby.
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3. A long time ago, Ah Beng found himself as asailor on board an ang-mor explorer's ship.One day, in the crow's nest, he spotted anuncharted island.

He quickly scurried down, andknocked on the captain's door."Eh, Captain!" he said eagerly. "There got new island, leh! What should we call it?"However, the Captain was at the time making love to a woman passenger, who was in the throes ofpassion.

Ah Beng heard the woman wail to the Captain, "Put it in, dear! In, dear! In, dear!"And thus, India got its name.

Ah Beng later found himself serving on-board Christopher Columbus' ships.One day, the crew spotted a new continent. Ah Bengwas below decks, when Columbus summoned the crew on deck. As Columbus asked, "What shall we name this newworld?", Ah Beng scrambled up and said in Cantonese, "Hai meh leh ka?" ("What'shappening?")

And thus, America got its name.
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4. An American, A Briton and a Singaporean wereallies in a war and, unfortunately, were cornered by the enemy. The only way to the safe zone was by dashing through 100m of no-man's-land, where thetrio risked being gunned down by enemy snipers.

The Briton decided to give it a try first, and started dashing with all his might towards the 100m end mark. Upon reaching 90m, he was shot. As he fell, he shouted, "God save the Queen!" and fell dead.

The American decided to go next and blazed towardsthe safe zone. 80m...85m...90m...95m...BANG! Hewas shot as well. As he fell, he shouted, "For Liberty!" and fell dead.

The Singaporean was next and he ran faster thanheever did in his whole life. 80m... 85m... 90m...95m... 96m... 97m.. 98m... 99m.... BANG! He was shot too, and as he fell, he shouted,

"KAN NI NABU CHAO CHEE BYE!!!!!"