The following questions and answers were collected from last year's GCSE exams, and are some of the answers given by British students writing their fifth form. These are genuine responses!!
(16 years old and stupid- But we love 'em. They cheer up a teacher's day no end)
Geography
Q: Name the four seasons
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water canbe made safe to drink
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because itremoves largepollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and theMoon. All water tendsto flow towards the moon, because there is no wateron the moon, andnature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight
Sociology
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist youare well endowed
.Q: In a democratic society, how important areelections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a malegets an election.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
Biology
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you getintercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forwardto his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A: Premature death
Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised?(e.g. abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - thebrainium, the borax, the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain,the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels,A,E,I,O and U
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is acharacteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places andthey look like umbrellas
English
Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to showyou understand its meaning
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Technology
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab or Sikh wears on his head
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