In a second grade class, a little girl asks, "Teacher, can my Mommy get pregnant?",
"How old is your mother, dear?" asks the teacher.
"Forty." she replies.
"Yes, dear, your mother could get pregnant." T
he little girl then asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?"
"Well, dear, how old is your sister?"
The little girl answers, "Nineteen."
"Oh yes, dear, your sister certainly could get pregnant."
The little girl then asks, "Can I get pregnant?"
"How old are you, dear?"
The little girl answers, "I'm seven years old."
"No, dear, you can't get pregnant..."
Then, the little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says, "See, I told you we had nothing to worry about."
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
why did chicken cross da road..
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER:
To get to the other side.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
RONALD REAGAN:
I forget.
M. NIXON:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
COMPUTER PROGRAMMER:
In order for the chicken to cross the road safely they not only need one driver to access the server farm if not they will hang in the middle of the road.
JERRY SEINFELD:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chickendoing walking around all over the place, anyway?"
BILL GATES:
I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, fileyour important documents, and unbalance your checkbook
MAHATHIR:
You know, I am tired of all this..'apa-nama'chicken-chicken bisnes....the foreign powers should stopintervening in our domestic affairs andjust leave our chickens alone..... if theywant to...'apa nama' cross theroad, they should be allowed to crossthe road .. Malaysia is ademocratic country,we let our chickensdo whatever they wantto do.... as long as they don't threatenthe Malay unity and try totopple the government...
BILL CLINTON :
I've had so many chicks, I can't remember...
Colonel Sanders (from KFC) :
Oops, do i miss 1 ?
Cindy Sheehan's Answer:
The chicken joined me and other Americans as we marched to President Bush's Texas ranch to protest the war in Iraq.
Mel Gibson's Answer:
Why do you think the chicken crossed the road? Because its a (censored) Jew. Jews think they can just (censored) cross the street whenever they want. Jewish chickens are responsible for all the wars in the world...are you a Jew??
Jim Gilchrist's Answer:
The chicken was an illegal immigrant. He not only crossed the road, but he also crossed the border! There are over 12 million illegal chickens in this country. My fellow Minutemen members have witnessed this for years while the feds do nothing about it.
Abu Musab al-Zarqawi's Answer:
The chicken crossed the holy road to resist the crusaders. Unfortunately, he was killed during the jihad. He has died a martyr.
Howard Stern's Answer:
I'm afraid to answer that because the FCC would fine me for it! Wait until I'm on satellite radio, then I'll tell you.
Jose Canseco's Answer:
The chicken was juiced up on steroids! Mark McGwire and I would shoot the chicken in the buttocks everyday after baseball practice. All the details are in my new book.
Jessica Simpson 's Answer:
Why would he be one a road, I thought chickens lived in the ocean?
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER:
To get to the other side.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
RONALD REAGAN:
I forget.
M. NIXON:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
COMPUTER PROGRAMMER:
In order for the chicken to cross the road safely they not only need one driver to access the server farm if not they will hang in the middle of the road.
JERRY SEINFELD:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chickendoing walking around all over the place, anyway?"
BILL GATES:
I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, fileyour important documents, and unbalance your checkbook
MAHATHIR:
You know, I am tired of all this..'apa-nama'chicken-chicken bisnes....the foreign powers should stopintervening in our domestic affairs andjust leave our chickens alone..... if theywant to...'apa nama' cross theroad, they should be allowed to crossthe road .. Malaysia is ademocratic country,we let our chickensdo whatever they wantto do.... as long as they don't threatenthe Malay unity and try totopple the government...
BILL CLINTON :
I've had so many chicks, I can't remember...
Colonel Sanders (from KFC) :
Oops, do i miss 1 ?
Cindy Sheehan's Answer:
The chicken joined me and other Americans as we marched to President Bush's Texas ranch to protest the war in Iraq.
Mel Gibson's Answer:
Why do you think the chicken crossed the road? Because its a (censored) Jew. Jews think they can just (censored) cross the street whenever they want. Jewish chickens are responsible for all the wars in the world...are you a Jew??
Jim Gilchrist's Answer:
The chicken was an illegal immigrant. He not only crossed the road, but he also crossed the border! There are over 12 million illegal chickens in this country. My fellow Minutemen members have witnessed this for years while the feds do nothing about it.
Abu Musab al-Zarqawi's Answer:
The chicken crossed the holy road to resist the crusaders. Unfortunately, he was killed during the jihad. He has died a martyr.
Howard Stern's Answer:
I'm afraid to answer that because the FCC would fine me for it! Wait until I'm on satellite radio, then I'll tell you.
Jose Canseco's Answer:
The chicken was juiced up on steroids! Mark McGwire and I would shoot the chicken in the buttocks everyday after baseball practice. All the details are in my new book.
Jessica Simpson 's Answer:
Why would he be one a road, I thought chickens lived in the ocean?
A Girl got 2 "mouth"
A boss has to interview four girls for a secretary's position.
He thought of a question and asked each one of them
Boss: "A woman normally has two mouths, What's the difference between the two?"
The first one answered: One can talk but the other can't.
Second answered: one is vertical and the other is horizontal.
Third answered: one is hairy, the other isn't.
The last one answered: One is for my use and the other is for my boss.
Boss: You're hired!
Got the joke ?
1 mouth is the normal one on our face ,the other one is private part lah
He thought of a question and asked each one of them
Boss: "A woman normally has two mouths, What's the difference between the two?"
The first one answered: One can talk but the other can't.
Second answered: one is vertical and the other is horizontal.
Third answered: one is hairy, the other isn't.
The last one answered: One is for my use and the other is for my boss.
Boss: You're hired!
Got the joke ?
1 mouth is the normal one on our face ,the other one is private part lah
The Story of Doraemon & Hello Kitty
Doraemon and Hello Kitty were out on the streets one day.
When Doraemon saw Hello Kitty, he waved and greeted her, "Hello Kitty!"
Hello Kitty, however, didn't greet him in return. Why didn't she?
(She didn't have a mouth.)
Now, she was feeling pretty bad about appearing rude, so she stitched a mouth on herself and went off to look for Doraemon.
When she saw him, she greeted him enthusiastically.
Doraemon, however, ignored her. Why didn't he acknowledge her greeting?
(He couldn't hear her - he didn't have ears.)
Wahahahaha!
When Doraemon saw Hello Kitty, he waved and greeted her, "Hello Kitty!"
Hello Kitty, however, didn't greet him in return. Why didn't she?
(She didn't have a mouth.)
Now, she was feeling pretty bad about appearing rude, so she stitched a mouth on herself and went off to look for Doraemon.
When she saw him, she greeted him enthusiastically.
Doraemon, however, ignored her. Why didn't he acknowledge her greeting?
(He couldn't hear her - he didn't have ears.)
Wahahahaha!
The mystery of the cows' sudden death, 18 SX
Once there was a farmer with a wife, 3 sons and 20 cows. they earn their living by selling cows' milk.
One day, when the farmer woke up in the morning, he saw all his cows were dead and he couldn't find out why. Then, he thought"Haih, how am I going to support my family if my cows were dead? I better kill my self first." and he commit suicide by stabbing himself with a knife.Then, his wife woke up. After she saw the death of her husband and the 20 cows, she thought"My God! How am I going to earn my family a living if my husband and the 20 cows were dead?!". Unable to tolerate anymore, she killed herself with a knife.
The eldest son woke up and found the death of his parents and the 20 cows. He have the same thought and want to commit suicide. As he was afraid that killing himself witha knife is very painful, he decided to drown himself in the nearest river.
Unknown to them, a mermaid live in the river but she was a horny monster with a beatiful face and perfect body. When she ask what the eldest son was doing, she told him"I have the ability to ressurect your parents and the 20 cows if only you can have sex with me 13 times. If you fail, I'll kill you.". The eldest son agreed but he can only make till 10 times......So, he was dead.
The secound son woke up later and discover the same thing, have the same thought and wanted to kill himself by drowning. But he met the same mermaid, agreed with her 'trade' but this time, she demands 15 sex with her, but the secound son can only made till 13 times, so, he was killed.
Lastly, the youngest son woke up and did the same thing like his brothers. but this time, the mermaid demands 20 sex! Miraclely, the youngest son not only can have sex with her 20 time but over!
When they finished, it was the mermaid who was tired and she asked excitingly"Wow, you were great! How you manage to make that far?".
And the youngest son answered"That's why the 20 cows were dead......".
One day, when the farmer woke up in the morning, he saw all his cows were dead and he couldn't find out why. Then, he thought"Haih, how am I going to support my family if my cows were dead? I better kill my self first." and he commit suicide by stabbing himself with a knife.Then, his wife woke up. After she saw the death of her husband and the 20 cows, she thought"My God! How am I going to earn my family a living if my husband and the 20 cows were dead?!". Unable to tolerate anymore, she killed herself with a knife.
The eldest son woke up and found the death of his parents and the 20 cows. He have the same thought and want to commit suicide. As he was afraid that killing himself witha knife is very painful, he decided to drown himself in the nearest river.
Unknown to them, a mermaid live in the river but she was a horny monster with a beatiful face and perfect body. When she ask what the eldest son was doing, she told him"I have the ability to ressurect your parents and the 20 cows if only you can have sex with me 13 times. If you fail, I'll kill you.". The eldest son agreed but he can only make till 10 times......So, he was dead.
The secound son woke up later and discover the same thing, have the same thought and wanted to kill himself by drowning. But he met the same mermaid, agreed with her 'trade' but this time, she demands 15 sex with her, but the secound son can only made till 13 times, so, he was killed.
Lastly, the youngest son woke up and did the same thing like his brothers. but this time, the mermaid demands 20 sex! Miraclely, the youngest son not only can have sex with her 20 time but over!
When they finished, it was the mermaid who was tired and she asked excitingly"Wow, you were great! How you manage to make that far?".
And the youngest son answered"That's why the 20 cows were dead......".
Dad , I'm leavng home
Girl's version
A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything wasneat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands.......
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real happiness with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the this happiness Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days, is it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?
Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.
Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your loving daughter,
Rosie.
At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO". Hands still trembling, and slight pain in the chest her father turned thesheet, and read:
PS:Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than myreport card that's in my desk center drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home. I love you!
~~
Boy's version
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy.Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom.
I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am but it's not only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant.
Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enoughfor the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!
worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your son,
Chad
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true.I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my desk drawer.I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home!
A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything wasneat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands.......
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real happiness with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the this happiness Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days, is it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?
Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.
Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your loving daughter,
Rosie.
At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO". Hands still trembling, and slight pain in the chest her father turned thesheet, and read:
PS:Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than myreport card that's in my desk center drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home. I love you!
~~
Boy's version
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy.Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom.
I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am but it's not only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant.
Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enoughfor the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!
worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your son,
Chad
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true.I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my desk drawer.I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home!
Arab Man
An arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.
'Your name pls.'?
"Abdul Aziz "
"Sex? "
"Six times a week!! "
"No, no, I mean male or female! "
"Doesn't matters, sometimes even camel !"
'Your name pls.'?
"Abdul Aziz "
"Sex? "
"Six times a week!! "
"No, no, I mean male or female! "
"Doesn't matters, sometimes even camel !"
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