Husband & Wife - Why divorce?
In a divorce court a woman requested the judge: "Your honor, I want to divorce my husband."
"But why ?" asked the judge. She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me."
The judge asked, "How do you know ?"
She replied, "My lord, not a single child resembles him."
*********
Husband & Wife - Love Your Enemy
From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die I want you to marry Samy."
"Samy! But he is your enemy !"
"Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now."
*********
Husband & Wife - Wedding Ring
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? "
The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
*********
Husband & Wife - Why?
" Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms.
" Why, Dad ? Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax."
*********
Husband & Wife - Same Service
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking.
Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."
"Why complain?" said the counselor. "You're still getting the same service!"
*********
Husband & Wife - Talk About Husband
One woman told another : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him ?"
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Shocking Telegrams
TELEGRAM #1
A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as:
"father, your daughter has been successful in BED."
************ ***
TELEGRAM #2
A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife: "I wish you were here."
The message received by wife:
"I wish you were her."
************ ***
TELEGRAM #3
A wife with near maturing pregnan! Cy goes to railway station to return to her husband.
At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket.
Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as:
"Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady."
************ ***
TELEGRAM #4
A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake.
The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake. Well he thinks for a while and says:
Let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better".
The salesman asks, "How do you want me to put it?"
The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and "! You are getting better" at the bottom.
The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:
"You are not getting older at the top, you are getting better at the bottom"
A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as:
"father, your daughter has been successful in BED."
************ ***
TELEGRAM #2
A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife: "I wish you were here."
The message received by wife:
"I wish you were her."
************ ***
TELEGRAM #3
A wife with near maturing pregnan! Cy goes to railway station to return to her husband.
At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket.
Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as:
"Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady."
************ ***
TELEGRAM #4
A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake.
The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake. Well he thinks for a while and says:
Let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better".
The salesman asks, "How do you want me to put it?"
The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and "! You are getting better" at the bottom.
The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:
"You are not getting older at the top, you are getting better at the bottom"
GUARANTEE NO SPOILT
A man went on a business to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids.He went to a shop and found a nice looking CD player. Wary of buyinginferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, What would happen if this doesnot work?
The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads:
GUARANTEE NO SPOILT
Feeling assured, he paid for the CD player and returns to his hotel. Hetried to use the CD player after returning to the hotel but it would noteven switch on.
He quickly return to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange foranother unit. When the shopkeeper refused to give either, the man points tothe sign assuring him of a guarantee.
The shopkeeper then said,
"Brother, you are in China. We read from the right to the left"
The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads:
GUARANTEE NO SPOILT
Feeling assured, he paid for the CD player and returns to his hotel. Hetried to use the CD player after returning to the hotel but it would noteven switch on.
He quickly return to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange foranother unit. When the shopkeeper refused to give either, the man points tothe sign assuring him of a guarantee.
The shopkeeper then said,
"Brother, you are in China. We read from the right to the left"
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
What should I do to marry a rich guy?
A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:
Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough.
I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out?
(Please list down the names! and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend?
(my target now is to get married)
Ms. Pretty
Here's a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:
Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyze your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here.
From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an excha! nge of 'beauty' and 'money': Person A provides beauty, and Person B pa ys for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later
By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a 'trading position'. If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term account same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or 'leased'. Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I wo! uld advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in 'leasing' services, do contact me
signed, J.P. Morgan
Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough.
I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out?
(Please list down the names! and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend?
(my target now is to get married)
Ms. Pretty
Here's a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:
Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyze your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here.
From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an excha! nge of 'beauty' and 'money': Person A provides beauty, and Person B pa ys for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later
By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a 'trading position'. If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term account same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or 'leased'. Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I wo! uld advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in 'leasing' services, do contact me
signed, J.P. Morgan
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Friday, August 8, 2008
Monday, August 4, 2008
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